The Only Sure Sign Of Spring Is Kentucky Derby Weekend, 7 Long Weeks Away

Here's The Full Moon Tonight Over Chicago's Balmoral Park. It's Fucking Cold Out For The Middle Of March.

Meanwhile, In Sunny Florida Today, Down In Hallandale's Gulfstream Park It Was "Bombs Away" At Longshot Central As The Payouts Were H-U-G-E Today!

THIS COLD WEATHER IS TOTALLY F'D UP. IT'S LIKE YOU HAVE NO CHOICE, TOLERATE THE COLD WEATHER OR MOVE SOUTH AND SWEAT YOUR ASS OFF MOST OF THE YEAR. I'M OKAY WITH THE COLD, BUT THIS YEARS PROLONGED WINTER WITH ABSOLUTELY NO BREAK IN MID-FEBRUARY AND NO SIGN OF SPRING THUS FAR HAS ME PRETTY P.O.'d!

I'M DOWN TO MY LAST 3 BOTTLES OF DOMINICAN RUM, I HAVE A HALF A CASE OF SPAM LEFT AND MY MACARONI AND CHEESE IS ALMOST DEPLETED. MY SUPPLY PLANE WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE 2 WEEKS AGO STILL CAN'T LAND BECAUSE THE RUNWAY HASN'T THAWED, SO THE PILOT IS THINKING OF DOING AIRDROPS! WHO EVER THOUGHT OF DROPPING FULL CASES OF DOMINICAN RUM BY PARACHUTE! CRAZY!

THAT BIG RUSSIAN WUSS, VLAD PUTIN STILL HASN'T TAKEN ME UP ON MY CHALLENGE. SO HERE IT IS AGAIN. VLAD, IF YOU THINK YOUR SO F'N COOL, LET'S SEE YOUR STUFF! SHOW THE WORLD BY PICKING THE SUPERFECTA IN THE KENTUCKY DERBY! THE WARRIOR WILL SPOT YOU $24, AND IF YOU CAN PICK THE SUPERFECTA USING THAT $24, WHY THEN YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO INVADE THE UKRAINE! HELL, YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO INVADE AMERICA! WHY? BECAUSE YOU CAN'T DO IT! MAYBE ONE OF YOUR BLONDE RUSSIAN BIMBO GIRLFRIENDS COULD WHEN SHE'S PLOWED ON A PINT AND A HALF OF STOLY, BUT THEN THAT WOULD JUST BE DUMB LUCK! SO LOOK ME UP AT CHURCHILL DOWNS SATURDAY MAY 3RD, I'LL BE AT THE $2 WINDOW PUTTING MY BETS IN ON KENTUCKY DERBY DAY! WHERE WILL YOU BE? PROBABLY KILLING A BUNCH OF UKRAINIANS YOU STUPID RUSSIAN FUCK!

YEAH, RIGHT, VLAD PUTIN COULD PICK THE SUPERFECTA IN THE KENTUCKY DERBY! MY ASS!