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| Some Fat Chick In A Trailer Park Somewhere With Blubber Hanging Over Her Polyester Pants Is Calling An 800# At 2am After Watching An Infomercial And Ordering The Newest Latest, Greatest Product That Will "Melt Away" Her Fat All While Letting Her Eat, "Whatever She Wants"! Meanwhile, She Lays Her Fat Carcass On A Qheen Size Bed Littered With 6 Empty Coke Cans, An Empty Bag Of Doritos , Cheese Puffs And What Was Left Of Her Kids Halloween Candy! |
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| This Slicker Was Just Convicted In One Of His Many Scams. The Judge Ordered Him Locked Up Until He's Sentenced In February 2014. Wise Move, Because This Guy Has Plenty Of Resources To Relocate Out Of The Country And Out Of The Clutches Of Uncle Sam, Far, Far Away! |
THE CUSTOMERS WERE PRETTY COOL FOR THE MOST PART, BUT THEN YOU GOT SOME REAL ASSHOLES WHO TOOK YOU THROUGH THE WHOLE DRILL AND THEN CHANGED THEIR MINDS AND HUNG UP ON YOU. THE REAL ASSHOLES WERE THE ONES WHO WERE PROBABLY SICK OF SEEING THE SAME COMMERCIAL FOR THE NINE MILLIONTH TIME THEY'D CALL AND START CUSSING YOU OUT LIKE, YEAH, I'M AT FAULT AND I'M DOING THIS TO YOU PAL, BECAUSE PERSONALLY I DON'T LIKE YOU AND I PROGRAMMED YOUR TV AND ONLY YOUR TV TO PLAY AND ENDLESS LOOP OF THAT SAME COMMERCIAL NON STOP ON EVERY CHANNEL YOU WATCH UNTIL YOU PICK UP YOUR FATHERS HAND GUN AND BLOW YOUR FUCKING BRAINS OUT! THAT'S HOW MUCH I HATE YOU, YOU FUCKNG IDIOT! FUCK YOU TOO!
THE WOMEN REPS WOULD GET IT FROM ALL SIDES TOO, WHEN THE PERVERTS WOULD CALL AND THINK THESE OPERATORS WERE THEIR OWN PRIVATE PHONE SEX OPERATOR, ASKING THEM WHAT COLOR THE PANTIES THEY HAD ON, THEIR BRA SIZE, IF THEY GAVE HEAD..., YOU KNOW THE ROUTINE! THIS IS AMERICA MY FRIENDS! WELCOME TO IDIOT AMERICA IN ALL ITS GLORY!
I WORKED 2 NIGHTS A WEEK, FRIDAY AND SATURDAY. WHY NIGHTS? BECAUSE THEY PAID YOU AN EXTRA $1.25 AN HOUR IF YOU WERE WILLING TO WORK THOSE HOURS. THE COMPANY WAS TOO FUCKING CHEAP TO PAY COMMISSIONS THOUGH. I WOULD HAVE WORKED STRAIGHT COMMISSION ON THAT JOB AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN DRIVING NICE BUICK! I WAS KILLING 'EM!
WELL, THIS IS WHERE IT GETS GOOD AND IT HAS A CONNECTION WITH THIS CARNIVORA SCAM AND ALL THES OTHER NUTRITIONAL, SUPPLEMENT, VITAMIN SCAMS WITH THEIR CLAIMS ABOUT ORGANIC, NATUROPATHIC, ET CETERA. YOU SEE, THE WHOLE PURPOSE THESE PRICKS MAKE THESE OUTRAGEOUS CLAIMS IS NOT THAT THEY HAVE ANY CLINICAL PROOF. RATHER, THEY WANT TO CREATE A BUZZ IN THE MIND OF WEAK MINDED PEOPLE, SO THAT THEY, CAN SEPARATE THEM FROM THEIR MONEY!
HERE'S THE LITTLE ANECDOTE WHICH DESCRIBES THE LENGTH WHICH PEOPLE WILL GO TO TO RECLAIM THEIR LOST YOUTH, THEIR VIGOR AND THEIR ABILITIES IF AN ADVERTISER MAKES A CLAIM THAT THEIR PRODUCT WILL DO SO!
IT'S LIKE 2AM, AND THE PHONES WERE RELATIVELY QUIET WHEN I GET A CALL FROM A CALIFORNIA AREA CODE A THREE HOUR TIME DIFFERENCE. ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE IS A VERY NICE SOUNDING, WELL SPOKEN OLDER GENTLEMAN AND THE NUMBER HE CALLED IN ON, BRINGS UP HE PRODUCT HE WAS CALLING ABOUT. THESE WERE SOME EXPENSIVE VITAMINS [ I CAN'T REMEMBER THE PRODUCT NAME - HEY THIS WAS OVER 12 YEARS AGO!] BUT IF HE PURCHASED THE PRODUCT, HE WOULD GET ONE FREE AND AS AN INCENTIVE HE'D GET FREE SHIPPING TOO. NOT A BAD DEAL, RIGHT?
SO, SINCE WE WEREN'T TO BUSY I STARTED CHATTING THE GUY UP A LITTLE BIT, YOU KNOW HOW'S THE WEATHER IN SUNNY CALIFORNIA, YOU BANGING' ANY BUSTY CALIFORNIA BLONDES WHAT KIND OF HOT CAR YOU DRIVE YOU KNOW, GUY TALK. WELL PRETTY SOON, THE GUY TELLS ME HE'S LIKE 78, AND THE REAL REASON HE'S CALLING IS THE AD ON TV WHICH HE'S SEEN QUITE A FEW TIMES CLAIMS THAT THESE VITAMINS, "WILL MAKE YOU FEEL 20 YEARS YOUNGER"! NO SHIT! OKAY COOL. SO I ASKED HIM, 78 IS NOT THAT OLD, WHY DO YOU NEED TO FEEL 20 YEARS YOUNGER? YOU HAVE NEW HOT GIRLFRIEND? AND THIS IS WHAT HE TELLS ME...,
MY NEIGHBORS TURNED ME IN FOR CARELESS DRIVING AND THE COPS CAME OVER AND TALKED TO ME AND TOOK ME OUT FOR A DRIVE AND PULLED MY LICENSE. I'VE BEEN BACK TO THE DMV TO GET A PERMIT TO GET MY LICENSE BACK BUT THEY REFUSE TO DO SO!
MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS,"HEY PAL, YOU OUGHT TO GO OVER AND SHOW THOSE NEIGHBORS WHAT IT MEANS TO MIND THEIR OWN FUCKNG BUSINESS #1" BUT, MY JAW DROPPED WHEN HE TOLD ME THIS FUCKED UP TALE OF WOE!
SO I TOLD HIM, "PALLY, YOU CALLED THE RIGHT PLACE! NOT ONLY DO THESE VITAMINS MAKE YOU FEEL 20 YEARS YOUNGER, THEY IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE, LET YOU SHOOT COPIOUS CUM LOADS LIKE PETER NORTH, WILL LET YOU GROW BACK A FULL HEAD OF HAIR EVEN IF YOUR TOTALLY BALD, ALLOW YOU TO COMPETE IN IRON MAN TRIATHLONS AND PICK WINNING SUPERFECTA COMBINATIONS AT ANY TRACK IN THE COUNTRY! SIR, THIS SHIT IS THE REAL DEAL!"
THE PHONE WENT DEAD SILENT.
YOU KNOW, IN SALES WHEN YOUR CLOSING THE DEAL AND IT'S DECISION TIME. THE FIRST ONE WHO SPEAKS LOSES.
SO HE ASKS ME, "DO YOU HAVE OVERNIGHT DELIVERY?"
"OH YES SIR! WE CAN HAVE THOSE OUT TO YOUR DOORSTEP BY NOON TOMORROW"
BY THE TIME OUR LITTLE PHONE CALL ENDED 45 MINUTES LATER I HAD SIGNED HIM UP FOR AUTO DELIVERY AND EVERY UPSELL AND RELATED PRODUCT THAT THE COMPANY WAS SELLING. HIS BILL BY THE TIME WE WERE DONE, OVER $3,000! AND AS WE WERE SAYING OUR GOOD-BYES, HE WAS THANKING ME!
SOMEHOW, I IMAGINE THE POWER OF MIND OVER MATTER AND THE VITAMINS DID TURN BACK THE CLOCK 20 YEARS FOR THE OLD GEEZER. HE GOT HIS LICENSE BACK AND HE HIRED A COUPLE OF ENFORCERS TO FUCK WITH HIS NEIGHBORS A LITTLE BIT. IF NOT, WELL, YOU CAN'T BLAME A GUY FOR TRYING.
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