$1,000 Dollar Reward To The Person Who Brings Me The Hide Of Punxatawney Phil!

This Bucktooth Rodent Must Be Destroyed!

The Lying Piece Of Shit Groundhog Forecast An Early Spring! Word Is Market Manipulators On Wall Street Paid Phil Off So They Could Cash In On His Errant Prognostication!

PUNXATAWNEY PHIL MUST BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR "FIXING" THE SPRING FORECAST! PHIL WAS APPARENTLY "PAID OFF" BY "MARKET MANIPULATORS" TO GIVE A WRONG FORECAST, SO THAT, "THEY" COULD CASH IN ON HIS PHONEY FORECAST! 

NOT ONLY IS THIS "UN-AMERICAN", BUT PHIL ALSO LOST ANY LEGITIMACY HE HAD ACCRUED OVER THE YEARS.

A $1,000 BOUNTY FOR PHILS' PELT IS NOW OFFERED FOR THAT BUCKTOOTH RATS' FURRY ASS!